Fiction Scribe

There are murder mysteries you read where you know within the first few chapters who the murderers. At this point you either read on, enjoying the book because it is well written even though you know who it is who likes to kill using Kleenex, a toothpick, and a bandaid. Or there is the other option – you read on for some reason (perhaps you doubt your conclusion?) until it becomes so utterly obvious who the killer is that you want to shove the novel through your eye socket.

Or, perhaps, the eye socket of the author.

Naturally, to avoid all the eye-gouging, murder mystery authors will often try to point you in the wrong direction so you are surprised by who the actual murderer is. False clues helped by a main character – often the detective or investigator – who starts planting the wrong ideas in your mind.

This is fine so long as the reader doesn’t find out who the murderer is and think, “What the…?”

I am tired of mystery authors who are so desperate to surprise you with who the ‘bad guy’ is that they pick someone as the murderer who doesn’t make sense.

Too often the murderer is either someone we never had a chance of figuring out (someone we don’t meet until the end) or someone who, yes, may have had some far-fetched motive but was just picked for the surprise. That’s not fun to read when Susie was in the lounge, holding the candle stick, and wanted the million dollars. Bringing along Uncle Earl as the murderer because he took an unassisted tumble down the victim’s stairs is not good mystery writing.

So stop. Read some classic mysteries so you can learn how to write them.

It’s all too easy.

You create this alien race with alien beliefs, weapons, food, and, of course, bodies. Their history progressed differently to humanity, the way they harness energy is different, and even the way they mate (if they mate) is different. They’re just plain alien.

You eagerly send your human explorers to meet them.

Then your so-called aliens speak English that sounds so much like your cousin from Idaho. Or a three year old alien has the same range of vocabulary as your three year old niece.

If you are creating alien races, then make them alien. Even KA Applegate’s young adult fiction aliens the Hork-Bajir have the contradiction of deadly blades on their bodies and a peaceful lifestyle. That’s different. Orson Scott Card has created some excellent alien races over time.

A big monster with three heads isn’t all that scary or even alien if it talks like a typical twenty year old man from just down the street and has a liking for beef burgers.

You don’t have to create an entirely new language with each race (though you can feel free to do so), but do you think a race of military driven aliens will speak eloquently with a lot of flourish and useless words. Nor will a race focused on science and art speak harshly. (Overall, there are exceptions.)

Pay attention to your aliens and work at making them truly foreign to what we as humans know. It’ll get you a long way in the writing world.

You finally get an idea for a story. Not just a story – an awesome story. The story that could really get your name out there, you think. Your story is about a writer (heh) who gets to travel through time to the very time he was writing about! Oh, goodie.

Given the time and location difference, many of your characters will talk differently to your main character. Given this, you decided to do what you’re sure many authors before you have done before you: use accents!

How about I stop you right there, okay? Accents are not something to do lightly. Unless you have done your research, any attempt you make at using accents is either going to be heavy-handed or just plain wrong.

Let’s say you’ve done your research. Okay. Kudos to you. Even so, a lot of writers use too much.

“Och, laddie! Ya dinna think I was gonna be as thuck as tha!” might sound like it’s just the right thing for your story, but do you really want to write all the characters speaking with an accent at that or around that level? Because you’re going to have to. Consistency is everything.

If you decide that yes, you can write all your characters at that level of accent throughout your piece, you still have something to think about it: Is your reader going to want to read almost every character speaking like that throughout your story?

Hm. Computer says no.

Accents can be a wonderful addition to fiction if done right.

Never assume you can do it right until you’ve talked to someone who has studied the time period, language, etc.

I like poetry. I truly do. Poetry can be beautiful and present images and emotions in ways prose can’t.

What I don’t like are poets who write something that I and no one else can understand. I and the other readers go on to comment about how we don’t understand it. Then the poet goes on to make comments like “Well, it’s just too deep for you then” or “It’s not my problem if you can’t understand my message”.

It’s happened more than once.

If you’re talking about iridescent lilies in the sky and mean it to represent your relationship with your father, that’s fine. But as a writer and poet, it’s your job to make sure your readers understand it as well.

If your readers come back to you not understanding, then maybe you should take a hint.

Excuse me, but if I don’t understand what you’re talking about, I’m not going to nod along and talk about how deep and meaningful your poetry is.

If other people understand it, okay. There are probably a lot of things I don’t understand that other people do. However, if you have to explain what your poem means to the majority of people who read/hear it, maybe you should take the hint.

Just because you’re a poet doesn’t mean you aren’t a writer. If you write purely for yourself, fine. But if you write with the intention of having an actual audience, then you need to pay attention and adjust if people simply don’t understand.

Being too vague never helped anyone.

You’ve seen them. Any aspiring writer who has looked at contests or getting his/her work published has come across at least one.

Scams. Con artists. So-called companies designed most often to get your money and sometimes (rarely) to get your writing.

I don’t think anyone needs any big hints about why these sorts of things have made my pet peeve list. Taking advantage of other people’s dreams isn’t generally considered to be a good, nice thing. And the sad truth is that where you finally get one taken down, ten more will pop up to replace that one.

Not always, but often, people will try to take advantage of you. It happens to pretty much everyone at some point or another. Some people don’t even mean to do it, but they do. The boss at the business sees you’re a fantastic worker and have been improving the company overall. Said boss also knows you’re too nice to ask for a raise…so you’ll never get one.

If you set out in the writing world wanting to spend money to get published and/or try to shove your work in front of anyone who will take a glance at it, you will be taken advantage of. If you don’t do your research and learn to distinguish cons from legitimate people, it’s likely you will be sucked into a con.

I highly recommend you check through Preditors and Editors on a regular basis. Talk to people about where they have been and what they’ve been through. Get advice. Research both offline and online. Get opinions.

The more time you take to getting to know how things work and talking to people, the less likely one of these silly cons or scams will look appealing to you.

Last Friday on The Book Stacks I reviewed Jim Melvin’s The Pit, first book of The Death Wizard Chronicles. One of the things that most impressed me about his adult fantasy book is the magic system he has set up.

See, what Melvin has done is created a magic system that has a reason. It exists and works above and beyond the people who access it. Only certain people can get access to this power, the power runs out and the wielder needs to recharge occasionally, and the magic exists as part of a system.

Nothing is more annoying than having magic in a book that is merely there for the sake of making characters powerful. Yay, I can shoot lightning from my fingertips! Why? Where does the lightning come from? Why can you do it and Joe over there can’t? Why do you shoot lightning and Amy shoots fire? What makes you two different?

Those are the questions you need to ask and know the answers to before you run around giving every other character the ability to fly. Even the Fantastic Four were hit by some cosmic rays of some type or another. Spiderman was bitten by a spider and the X-Men are just the next step of human evolution.

See? Reasons behind the magic. They don’t have magic/powers for the sake of looking cool. Reasons, systems, weaknesses, etc.

So yes, feel free to give your characters access to magic and/or powers. That’s perfectly fine unless you don’t give a reason for the magic/powers. You need a system. You need reasons.

Even if your readers don’t find out about each intricate detail behind your creations, you can speak (write) with the confidence that you know the ‘how’ and ‘why’ of your magic/powers.

It seems to me that an increasing number of reviewers (and critics in other areas as well, I imagine) think that the only way to make a name in the business of reviewing is to hate everything they read, make snarky comments as often as possible, and have a general loathing for humanity thrown in just to make things interesting.

Granted, those are the more extreme cases, but there truly are a lot of people out there who seem to think that the only way to make a name in the review world is to loathe everything.

I do understand. It wasn’t until I put up my first review of a book I didn’t like at all up on The Book Stacks that I started drawing a bit more attention to my reviews. Yes, you do need to have the occasional negative review so you can preserve your credibility and show that you aren’t someone who is scared to hurt people’s feelings.

That doesn’t mean you need to ‘hate’ everything for the sake of appearing ‘tough’.

Yes, be honest in your reviews. Yes, point out things (gently, not vindictively) that didn’t work for you. Yes, do put in the occasional negative review to help you become a well-rounded reviewer.

Don’t hate for the sake of hating. That’s just boring.

Plus, at least in my eyes, having all negative reviews is the same thing as having all positive reviews – I can’t take your reviews seriously.

PS. If you think it will take ‘forever’ for you to become ‘known’ as a reviewer then talk to me. If you have a site, I know how to get your review site more views. No trollishness needed.

Alas, I am guilty of one of the high crimes of writing – not adequately researching something before writing about it.

We all make mistakes, yes, but I hate ranting about something that’s untrue.

Pet Peeve #41 wasn’t all wrong, mind you, but I stated something that’s wrong. In some circles. That’s the annoying thing about writing: in a lot of the ‘rules’ of writing, you’ll find two sides to it.

I’m talking about the ’s vs s’s issue.

Since I first started writing, I have always hated the look of s’s so I started using s’ instead. A lot of people do it, but does that mean it’s right? Apparently not, according to one of the higher authorities: Strunk and White

According to Strunk and White’s The Elements of Style, “Form the possessive singular of nouns by adding ’s. Follow this rule whatever the final consonant.”

Lovely.

So what was James’ paint is supposed to be James’s paint. Undoubtedly there will be more wisdom from the book of Strunk and White in the future.

Ah, pet peeve #48. This is probably one of the most prominent things that are drilled into writer’s minds the most.

Don’t write in the passive voice!

This is also the pet peeve I am most guilty of indulging in myself. I think it’s my writing brain’s default button. Anyway, that’s not any excuse for me or for you as a writer.

While passive voice isn’t always the ultimate evil it is often made out to be, it’s a good idea to get yourself out of the habit. It doesn’t have anything to do with grammar; it has to do with style.

What is the passive voice?

The passive voice is when you use the object of an action as the subject of the sentence.

Passive: Why was the fire hydrant peed on by the dog?

Active: Why did the dog pee on the fire hydrant?

It’s not always that easy (or funny) to fix up your passive sentences (and remember – sometimes the passive is better). One thing you can do, though, is to run a find all and replace all the instances of ‘was’ with ‘X’. (Pressing Ctrl and ‘f’ will open the find window.) It will not only find and replace them all, but it will tell you how many replacements it made.

Go through and see how many easy switches you can make first off. Things like “the baby was carried up the stairs” turning into “Jenny carried the baby up the stairs”.

Taking the active voice gives you more authority in your writing. The active voice versus the passive voice is akin to letting your story be told versus telling your story. Stand up and take control of your story. You are the author, right?

Not every writer does this, but I’ve heard it enough to make it a strong marker on my pet peeve list.

Writer’s block whiners.

I’ve had writer’s block. I accept it exists because it is the reason I am happily writing away on one novel instead of slogging through molasses on another novel. Note the important bit, though: I’m still writing. Exciting, I know.

I get annoyed by the writers who, because they ‘simply can’t move on past this scene’ in their first draft science fiction novel, they simply don’t write. What? No, don’t do that. Just because you ‘can’t’ work on one project means you’re simply going to not write for however long?

This is the part where I smack my forehead.

Oh, so you have writer’s block? Okay, accept it and move on. Having ‘the block’ is not your excuse to walk away from the notebook/computer to go play video games. (Even if you do consider your Xbox your muse, leave it alone because you’re probably ripping off the story line of the game in one way or another.)

Writer’s block isn’t the inability to write, it’s feeling like you are unable to write. Sure, I feel like having a family size bag of M&Ms while I work today, but that doesn’t mean I go ahead and have it. I don’t have the money to waste or the gym time to spend working it off, so I override what I feel by using logic.

So, poor and pouty writers, bulldoze through. If you can’t, work on something else because you obviously have the block with your current work in progress for a reason…

This pet peeve is something a little different to my usual pet peeves in that it could be a cultural thing instead of something that’s simply done wrong. It’s not necessarily wrong, but you won’t get away with it if you want to get what you’re writing published.

Numbers instead of words.

“His mother stacked 3 pancakes on his plate. She looked at it a moment longer before putting 2 more pancakes on the stack. He wasn’t sure he could eat all five, but he was certainly going to give it a good hard try!”

This is a pet peeve of mine because if I see numbers in what I’m reading, they had better be some sort of statistics. Numbers thrown in when it’s not necessary to have numbers is distracting.

“US English is so egocentric; they leave ‘u’ out of everything.” - Mr. Scribe

It’s one thing to have the whole US system of weights and measures – which is annoying enough – but then there is US English (or ‘Englizh’ as Mr. Scribe likes to call it).

Why can’t we just all get along?

Or at least use the same dictionary.

This pet peeve isn’t me arguing which system is wrong; I would simply like it if we could all just pick one and go with it. (I vote for the ‘u’ happy UK system I am learning here in Oz, but that is of course purely personal preference.)

It’s bloody annoying to type along in Microsoft Word in Oz English and then have to remember my US spellings the moment I get on the internet.

And for your edutainment US and UK spelling differences.

Did we really need this? Truly? (If you’re not the type of person to follow links, it’s a list of ‘other words for ‘said’’.)

Since when did the perfectly adequate ‘said’ become such a sin to use? Oh, wait, that’s right!

When some writers thought you needed to tag every single line of dialogue in an entire story.

I’m okay with occasional ‘he whispered’ and such, but this list just makes me shake my head. When you consider that half the times some writers use ‘said’ it’s unnecessary, lists like those are doubly unnecessary.

Let’s take ‘began’ for example.

“Well, the thing is…” he began.

Have you ever heard the rule ‘show, don’t tell’? Well, this is telling. And then telling again. Of course that’s how he began because he’s – go figure – beginning his sentence.

Impressive, I know, but I pick up on things like that.

How about ‘explained’?

“The battery goes in like this,” he explained.

Again, obviously. Why don’t you save yourself some time and keep your readers from snoring by writing something like:

“The battery goes in like this.” He inserted the battery into the toy slowly so young Dora could understand.

Not only are most (if not all) words on that list similarly obvious like that, they’re also annoying. You don’t need them.

Use ‘said’ when you need to. ‘Said’ loves you. ‘Said’ has never abandoned you for fancier and ultimately more annoying writers, so why do you feel the need to abandon ‘said’?

A note to anyone I edit or will edit for: Don’t even look at that list. Save me the editing time. Please.

Save me more time by checking out my other pet peeves.

Many of us, including myself, sometimes seem born to ramble. But when you’re writing, why waste twelve words on something you could have said in six?

Perhaps this isn’t the best pet peeve to mention before NaNo (Padding 101), but waiting until later to mention it isn’t going to make it any less annoying.

An example of what I’m talking about:

Word Wasting: He walked past the rather old and run down establishment and his face showed something akin to satisfaction as he took possession of another traveler’s wallet.

Being Specific: He smirked as he took the young man’s wallet.

Mention the building if you must, but there are still many more direct ways of saying what you want to say.

Be direct. Be specific.

You’ll keep your readers and stop sounding like you’re trying to publish your NaNo without editing.

Do we really need to discuss this?

Apparently some of us do.

Tenses in writing determine what words you use when you are writing. It decides whether you say:

“I finished with my work.”
“I finish with my work.”
Or
“I will finish with my work.”

To make things simple, let’s not talk about future tense. An entire book written in future tense would be annoying.

It’s perfectly acceptable (if you do it well) to switch tenses from one in one scene to another in the next. Or to even do it mid-scene if you have a present tense work and write in a flash back.

However, one thing you don’t do is switch tense in mid-sentence! How can you expect anyone to read like that when you’ve put:

I am being tricked, but it was all okay. He likes me.

“I’m okay,” I said. I feel like I am floating right now, even though he was also making me a bit angry.

Don’t do that. It’s annoying. Stay in the same tense, at least while you’re still within one sentence. And proof read!

By the way, the above should have been (for past tense) something like:

I was being tricked, but it was all okay. He liked me.

“I’m okay,” I said. I felt like I was floating right then, even though he was also making me a bit angry.