Fiction Scribe

Don’t ask about the title. Put it up to the flu now having taken over my brain.

Talk about basics. You’d think the whole ‘s’ versus ‘’s’ would be a natural thing. Well, perhaps not natural, but at least well known. But apparently it’s not, even in the adult world where a coffee shop can’t even have marshmallow spelled correctly on their menu.

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(This was on the radio, but the woman was reading the headlines, so I say I still get to put it in my list of writing-related pet peeves.)

Coming home from a road trip with Mr. Scribe, we heard a news reporter on the radio say this:

“We are currently looking for people who left before they arrived.�

(People leaving before they’ve arrived? Now that’s something I’d like to see.)

What she should have said was, “We are currently looking for people who left before the ambulances arrived.� However, the ambulance drivers had been mentioned in previous sentence so she took for granted the listeners would know who ‘they’ are.

We did, but that doesn’t make for good writing.

Say what you mean to say clearly.

I’ve mentioned double meanings in the past, but I think this point needs to be mentioned again because of the more subtle double meaning. (The example I used was “Please submit a list of all employees broken down by sex� which is definitely a bit more obvious.)

This one is a bit tough and something I have also grumbled over.

“He glared at Adam until he sat down� may seem perfectly fine in context and/or in your mind, but who is doing the sitting? He or Adam? That’s the problem. Unfortunately, you can’t always reword things so you don’t double up on using a name. “He glared at Adam until Adam sat down� is the (simple) way to go with that one (unless you want to completely change it to something else).

You have to love language. Even if it is tough sometimes, pay attention to what you say. It’ll likely come through in what you write.

“I could care less.�

Oh? You could? And here I was thinking you didn’t care at all. It’s good to know there is a possibility of you caring less and thus meaning you do care at least somewhat for what we’re talking about.

I believe the correct phrase, and what you meant, is: “I couldn’t care less.�

Just because they are my pet peeves doesn’t mean they can’t amuse me.

While, technically, this kind of statement is contextual and could work when it’s in the correct place, I have never once heard someone say, “I could care less� and mean it that way. What they are really going for is “I couldn’t care less�.

Am I the only one who laughs at people who act snooty and snarky and then go on to say something like, “I could care less�? Whenever someone says that to me, I very seriously and say, “That’s good to know, but I’m more concerned about you caring a bit more, not less.�

I am probably the only one who finds this funny, but that’s okay.

Honestly, I think it’s all a matter of herd mentality. The whole “LOL� thing, saying things – like irregardless – that are wrong or overdone can all probably be blamed on herd mentality. We pick up traits from the people we like, our family, and the media.

I can imagine someone standing up at this point and saying, “I could care less.�

(Please tell me someone out there is amused by this could/couldn’t care less thing as I am.)

Bottom line: Think about what you’re saying and what it truly means.

How does this happen? Why do we feel the need to make up words that mean exactly the same thing as other words?

Irregardless = Regardless

Regardless = Irregardless

Why do we need them both? Why do people insist on saying “irregardless”?

I have no idea. I’m busy. We’re all busy. The last thing we need is people making up words that are the same as other words simply to sound different from everyone else?

Well, for those of you who didn’t know - just say ‘regardless’. That’s all you need and all you’ve ever needed.

Bah.

omwtfbbq!!1! ur up n my chtng?!?111?!

Ahem.

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Yes, doing that broke at least three of my pet peeves, but sometimes a person has to do what’s necessary.

Everyone is in a hurry, but that gives you no right to inflict your primarily vowel-less, over-punctuated, I USE CAPITALS BECAUSE THEY’RE LOUD, dirty spanking of the English language on me.

Honestly, I’m guilty of a little bit of it too, but I was never like the above, and I had a specific reason other than pure laziness to do it. I also succumb to the occasional “LOL”, but that’s pure mimicry of people I chat with a lot.

And those are still not good enough excuses.

If you insist on not kicking your habit of over-punctuation when writing posts/emails/etc, don’t care to be consistent in all you do, and basically don’t respect other people enough to take those extra milliseconds to type out full words, then guess what…

I am in no way going to read your work.

If you ask me to read your work with “plz rd my stffz” instead of “please read my work” then tough luck to you because I won’t. You obviously don’t respect me or your other readers outside your work, so I don’t care about what’s going on in your work.

It’s as simple as that.

Yes, my friends, the time has come. We shall bravely venture into the confusing world of “lay vs. lie”.

Does this whole thing piss anyone else off as much as it does me? I mean, come on! Have one present tense for everything and one past tense for everything. Easy. I’ll even promise not to rant about lie also meaning something false. See? I’m willing to compromise.

Yuck.

So what is the final word on this little lovely? Well, I’d better get it right or else I’ll have a slew of emails along with a long and drawn out feeling of embarrassment to deal with.

“Lay” is a verb meaning ‘to put or place something somewhere’. Thus, you need an object to make it work.

Example: I lay the pillow on the bed gently, while I laid the blanket on the bed roughly. I’m now considering laying a few more blankets on the bed.

“Lie” is a verb meaning to recline. No object needed.

Example: I lie on the bed often, thinking of my fate. My husband asks my why I’m lying there when I’ve lain there for over an hour. I lay there and stare at him.

Ah ha! Brain pain - ‘lay’ works for both of them! Yes, that’s true, but always think of it in terms of an object. Is there an object involved or not?

If you’re not sure whether to use “lay” or “lie,” try substituting a form of the verb “place.” If it makes sense, use a form of “lay.”

Example: I lay the pillow on the bed gently. I place the pillow on the bed gently.

See? Not so horrible after all.

But you might want to bookmark this post anyway.

Yeah, I said weenies. Because that’s what they are! Weenies, the lot of them.

Who am I talking about? The people who can’t take criticism.

I don’t care if your mom can bake the best apple pie in three counties and thinks your writing is about as perfect as the locally made maple syrup. I don’t care if Uncle Bob said he spent a whole extra hour on the toilet because he ‘just couldn’t put that book down’.

Well, I do care if they own a publishing company and have at least four years editing experience.

Otherwise, no.

Part of living in the writing sector of the world is developing a ‘tough skin’. The tough skin is not to deflect ‘the evil criticism bugs’ by any means; you develop it so you can take criticism and apply it instead of sobbing into your manuscript because you were so busy writing that you forgot to go out and buy some tissues.

Criticism shouldn’t be this thing some people are simply unable to handle or hear. Criticism is not only not about whether you are a worthy human being, it’s not something that will kill you.

Writers who can’t take criticism: The comments people (other than your mom and Uncle Bob) make about your work is that - about your work. If someone makes a comment you don’t like, either a. fix it, b. keep it fresh in your mind when you rewrite, or (very rarely) c. dismiss the comment for now. Option C is rarely used and only usually comes into play when someone (usually on a writing forum) says something to the effect of, “You’re an idiot. Never write again.”

Bottom line? People are talking about your work, not you. You didn’t know how to do proofs in geometry right away and neither do you know the power of ‘insta-novel’. Take criticism. Use criticism.

It could just help you get published.

It looks like Harry Potter.

“But it’s not,” you say.

The characters are like Harry Potter characters.

“It’s not Harry Potter, though,” you insisted. “They can’t do magic.”

Uh huh.

You might as well face it love, either call it fan fiction and get over it, or give up on the idea. I don’t care if you are borrowing a character, a plot line, a setting, or a hair off Harry’s head, if you do that, you are writing fan fiction.

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This pet peeve is somewhat like the first post about wannabes, but these are wannabes of a more general sort…

In a roundabout way, Bob’s guest post reminded me of a long-standing pet peeve of mine, something I touched on in the recent Bird by Bird discussion:

She goes on to touch on something I feel is very important:

“The problem that comes up over and over is that these people want to be published. They kind of want to write, but they really want to be published.�

And that’s the key, isn’t it? I believe too many people focus on just getting published. People assume because you know how to write, anyone can write a book. I encourage those people to think of it this way: Just because I know how to hold a paint brush and put paint on a canvas doesn’t mean I can create a wonderful work of art.

I got it a lot in high school, but I didn’t truly consider myself a writer. So when some of my friends assumed because I could write a story, they could, I didn’t say anything. But high school is over now, and yet people still don’t seem to understand…

My pet peeve is people who think that just because they can write some letters, just because they’ve read a few book, they assume they can write the next Harry Potter. The truth is, these people who suddenly decide they are the next best seller are usually a.) writing fanfiction of Harry Potter and b.) the ones who have no drive to see it through.

There are people who have natural talent, yes, but not that many.

It’s the non-natural talent types who don’t regard story writing like the art it is who make me mad. You didn’t just sit down and play beautiful music on the piano because you know you can make noise by pressing keys. Neither did you make beautiful pottery and statues because you know how to squish things in your hand.

Writing is an art. You start by learning letters and by reading. You improve by studying the rules and play with them. You go through trial and error, and (hopefully) you improve over time.

It takes work. Work.

So for all those out there who think you can sit down and craft the story of a lifetime, you’d better be prepared to spend your lifetime writing better drafts.

After going through a lot of fantastic entries, I picked the one that kept me coming back for more reads and got me smiling every time I read it.

Congratulations to Jennifer Shirk for her pet peeve post on bad editing! She will receive a $25 amazon.com gift certificate along with her post as Fiction Scribe’s Pet Peeve #32.

Thank you to everyone who participated.

Bad editing:

I picked up a book a few months ago that sounded cute. I started reading it and had formed a mental picture of what the heroine looked like.

You with me so far? Good. Because then something happened.

She changed hair color.

Yes. She changed hair color about 1/2 to 3/4 of the way through the book. And I don’t mean “she went to the beauty salon for a new look� changed hair color.

No. All of a sudden she was a blonde. Poof. Just like that.

So I had to go back to the first chapter and double check my mistake. Surely I must have just thought she was a brunette. But no. There it was. The hero thinking to himself what a pretty brunette she was.

Ah-ha! So it wasn’t me. Someone had made a booboo.

Grrr.

Yes, the contest is still going! I’ll be giving away a $20 amazon gift certificate to the lovely person who sends me the best pet peeve.

The rules are:

*Entries must be sent via the “contact me� button on the right (unless you know my email address, then you can send it via email)
*Entries must be in by August 10th at midnight Australia time. There are a lot of world clocks on the internet. Find one and figure out your deadline where you are.
*The winner will be announced on Tuesday the 14th and must be willing to send me their email address and links to your sites/blogs (preferably with the submission to save time), and the winning entry will be featured on that post as that week’s Pet Peeve.
*You cannot use any Pet Peeves I have listed in the past. Look at the category to double check.
*The pet peeve MUST be related to writing in some way.
*This contest is open to everyone, though preference will be given to non-451 submissions in the event of a tie.
*The judges will be me and my husband. Be warned, he’s almost as picky as I am when it comes to writing, so bad spelling/grammar/etc on your submission could be grounds for disqualification.

Enjoy!

At some point next month, I’m having a birthday. I’m a bit apathetic when it comes to the day, but any excuse for a contest, right?

Yes, a contest. I’ll be giving away a $20 amazon gift certificate to the lovely person who sends me the best pet peeve.

The rules are:

*Entries must be sent via the “contact me” button on the right (unless you know my email address, then you can send it via email)
*Entries must be in by August 10th at midnight Australia time. There are a lot of world clocks on the internet. Find one and figure out your deadline where you are.
*The winner will be announced on Tuesday the 14th and must be willing to send me their email address and links to your sites/blogs (preferably with the submission to save time), and the winning entry will be featured on that post as that week’s Pet Peeve.
*You cannot use any Pet Peeves I have listed in the past. Look at the category to double check.
*The pet peeve MUST be related to writing in some way.
*This contest is open to everyone, though preference will be given to non-451 submissions in the event of a tie.
*The judges will be me and my husband. Be warned, he’s almost as picky as I am when it comes to writing, so bad spelling/grammar/etc on your submission could be grounds for disqualification.

Enjoy!

This week’s Pet Peeve is inspired by/largely due to 101 Reasons to Stop Writing

Definition of cliché:

My definition: Overused sayings, characters, plot lines, etc that you should not use.

Education Planner’s definition: An expression so often used that its original power has been drained away, such as “dead as a doornail.”

Using clichés gets you nowhere. If you use a phrase you’ve heard before in your book, then delete it. If you’ve ‘modeled’ your character from another character in a book you dis/like, start with a brand new character sheet and get to work. If the same settings, plot lines, whatever are familiar because you’ve read them before then don’t continue writing them!

I’m all for reading my favorite books many times over, but I like a break for something different just like everyone else. I don’t want to pick up a new book to find everything seems familiar. There’s a reason my favorite books are my favorites - I like the way the original author wrote things. If I read your work as a reader or as an editor and see familiar things, I’ll tell you the same thing: Start over.

In case you don’t care to listen to me about this, listen to Mr. Reasons:

*Cliché is the plagiarising of what has already been plagiarised
*Cliché is a form of fan fiction
*Cliché is the antidote to originality

Now, having read this post, you have one question to ask yourself:

Is your hero a young farmhand with mysterious parentage?

This is probably one of the most often confusing pair of words I’ve seen/read/used. And why not when they’re so similar in spelling and sound.

When you think affect, think influence.

“Her speech affected my mood.”

When you think effect, think primarily noun. Or ’cause and effect’.

“Her speech had an effect on me.”

Affect is more commonly used as a verb meaning to influence or to have an effect on something. Notice that even in that sentence, ‘effect’ is used as a noun.

Effect as a noun means result or consequence.

Where things might get confusing is when effect is used as a verb. But even then, the meaning is “to bring about”.

“She hoped to effect a change in the way people think.”

Yes, it’s a verb, but it still has a different meaning than affect. If you remember to think affect for influence and ’cause and effect’ it’ll help.

Stop with the over punctuation already!

I don’t know if it is because of the rise of the internet culture or what else, but the overuse of the question mark and exclamation mark is beyond annoying.

So stop it already.

If you use one question mark, I get it - it’s a question. I also understand with just one exclamation point that the statement is being made at a louder than normal volume. Using more than one of either those implies you think I’m not intelligent enough to understand what those punctuation marks mean without a couple more behind the first one.

The last thing I want to critique or edit is something by some unpublished author who hasn’t taken the time to open any other book on the planet and note that other authors don’t do that.

Yes, I said ‘unpublished’. You didn’t think you were going to get published abusing your punctuation marks like that, did you?