Fiction Scribe

Some of us take rejection as just another letter for the pile. Some of us don’t take it so well…

Foamy is one of my favorite cartoons, so I’m pleased to bring you a writing-related one.

Foamy - Germaine’s Rejection Response

Warning - Adult language, Adult references

A little more Friday fun for you. I love these.

Sniglets *

Words that don’t appear in the dictionary, but should.

110 At The Equator (won’ ten at the ek way’ tawr) - n. Any burning sensation experienced directly below the navel when putting on a pair of jeans straight from the dryer.

Accordionated (ah kor’ de on ay tid) - adj. Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.

Aeroma (ayr oh’ ma) - n. The odor emanating from an exercise room after an aerobics workout.

Aeropalmics (ayr o palm’ iks) - n. The study of wind resistance conducted by holding a cupped hand out the car window.

Agonosis (ah uh no’ sis) - n. The syndrome of tuning into “Wide World of Sports” every Saturday just to watch the skier rack himself.

Airdirt (ayr’ dirt) - n. A hanging plant that’s been ignored for three weeks or more.

Anaception (an a sep’ shun) - n. The body’s ability to actually affect television reception by moving about the room.

Animalanche: When you kick your stuffed animals in your sleep and they
fall all over you or the floor. (from Kaffit, age 9)

Anticiparcellate (an ti si par’ sel ate) - v. Waiting until the mailman is several houses down the street before picking up the mail, so as not too appear too anxious.

Aquadextrous - adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.

Aqualibrium (ak wa lib’ re um) - n. The point where the stream of drinking fountain water is at its perfect height, thus relieving the drinker from (a) having to suck the nozzle, or (b) squirting himself in the eye.

Arachnidiot (ar ak ni’ di ot) - n. A person, who, having wandered into an “invisible” spider web, begins gyrating and flailing about wildly.

Attrinyl (a try’ nil) - n. (chemical symbol: At) A black, bulletproof, totally inflexible type of plastic, used primarily in covers of pay phone directories.

B+ Stampede (bee’ plus stam peed) - n. The attempt by half the classroom to claim the paper with no name on it.

Backspackle (bak’ spak uhl) - n. Markings on the back of one’s shirt from riding a fenderless bicycle.

Baldage (bald’ aj) - n. The accumulation of hair in the drain after showering.

Bargue (bar’ gyoo) - v. To whine, fuss, and complain a great deal while at the same time trying to get someone to see your point of view. Ex: The young child bargued with his father until his father gave in and let him stay up past his bedtime.

Bazookacidal Tendencies (bah zew’ kuh sy dal ten’ den seez) - n. The overwhelming desire of most individuals to reach out and pop the gigantic gum bubble billowing from someone’s mouth.

Beavo (bee’ vo) - n. A pencil with teeth marks all over it.

Find more at: JengaJam

Because we writers could use a little humor once in a while…

1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks’trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.
2. CARPERPETUATION (kar’pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt’) v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lollipop) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow ‘remove’ all the germs.
4. ELBONICS (el bon’iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak’ to man gyu lay’ shun) n. Manhandling the “open here” spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the ‘illegal’ side.
7. PEPPIER (peph ee ay’) n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.
8. PHONESIA (fo nee’ zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
9. PUPKUS (pup’kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay’ shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you’re only six inches away.

Courtesy of The Humor Bin

Harold Crick is IRS auditor who has a problem: he’s hearing a voice. Not just any voice, but a female voice which has a way of narrating his every movement. The voice is annoying and interferes with his life, but when the voice begins to predict his imminent death, Harold starts getting very worried…

Recently I saw the movie Stranger Than Fiction in the theatre. (It was released on DVD in the States on February 27th, I know, but remember I’m not in the States.) I absolutely loved it.

With a cast including Will Ferrell, Dustin Hoffman, and Queen Latifah, I was pleasantly surprised from the get go. In the beginning you wonder what could possibly be in a movie about an IRS auditor with OCD tendencies, but soon you are introduced to Kay Eiffel (played by Emma Thompson), a famous novelist who is struggling to write her first novel in ten years. A novelist who is known for killing her main characters.

This movie will be entertaining for any writer and a special treat for any writer like me, who is known for killing off characters.

For a light-hearted film with an ending you’re never quite sure about until it actually happens, I highly recommend this film.

PS. Pay attention to the author in the film - she is me in about twenty-five years. Ha!

stranger than fiction, will ferrell, dustin hoffman, queen latifah, emma thompson, writers, creative writing

I found this and thought it was funny. I hope you think so too.

Brought to you by: 101 Reasons to Stop Writing

You know you’re a writer if:
…you burn through more ink cartridges than Kleenex in the winter
…you see the next story line while arguing with your lover and leave to “get it down�? before forgetting it
…on good days there’s a lingering smell of burnt plastic coming from your keyboard
…the dogs would rather float away, whimpering, than interrupt you at the key board to take them outside
…there are oxygen lines, intravenous feeding tubes, and large Starbucks syringes attached to your desk, and nobody in the family notices any of this anymore.

Daniel Holden

Courtesy of Sandi Shelton.com

Rules For Writers

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They’re old hat.)

6. Be more or less specific.

8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

10. No sentence fragments.

11. Don’t use no double negatives.

12. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out or mispeld something.

13. Eschew obfuscation.

Courtesy of Absolute Write

Seeing as I’m going to be away (and probably already am by the time this post is up) I wanted to put in a little humor post each day. Seeing as I know how sad you’ll be because I’m gone.

Kidding!

Anyway, laughing is good for the heart, mind, and soul. Plus I’d like to file a few more humor posts, so here’s one for you.

Courtesy of Worldwide Freelance Writer…

Best Newspaper Headlines of 1998

1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
2. Something Went Wrong in Jet crash, Experts Say
3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
4. Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case
5. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
6. Is There a Ring of Debris Around Uranus?
7. Would-be Women Priests Appeal to Pope
8. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
9. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
10. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
11. Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead
12. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
13. Miners Refuse to Work After Death
14. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
15. Stolen Painting Found By Tree
16. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Line
17. War Dims Hope for Peace
18. If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
19. Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
20. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
21. New Study of Obesity Looks for Large Test Group
22. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space
23. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
24. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
25. Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

There are more jokes on page linked above.

I was looking around and found these funny shirts for writers. I’d have to say my favorite is something I’ve been saying for years:

“The voices in my head make me write.”

Hehe.

So check out CafePress. It’s definitely worth it.

creativing writing, humor, shopping

A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell.

She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.

“Oh my,” said the writer. “Let me see heaven now.”

A few moments later, as she ascended into heaven, she saw rows of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes.

“Wait a minute,” cried the writer. “This is just as bad as hell!”

“Oh no, it’s not,” replied an unseen voice. “Here, your work gets published.”

Found at: National Writer’s Union

I couldn’t resist putting up this little video I saw months ago. Has anyone been through something like this? I’d love to hear all the horror stories.