Velvet Verbosity 100 Words - Twist and Yearning
Did you know that you can click on the graphic and it will take you to Velvet Verbosity’s site? Very exciting, I know.
Once again, I am late. However, just to be fun, I’m also early. I’m once again putting two entries together to get it all covered. So, without further ado…
Twist
Treasure noted the slight shake in his hand as Frank opened the door to his apartment and let her inside.
“I’ll get you a coffee,” he said, shutting the door and hurrying into the kitchen before she could speak.
Everything appeared as she expected: clean, organized, boring. He had a few basic luxuries, but not much beyond that.
She sighed, feeling disappointed. Without much else to do, she began exploring. Opening the closed doors, she found the same. All neat. All organized.
However, behind one door, she found a very beautiful mess and gasped.
Well that’s a twist, Treasure thought.
Yearning
Paintings. Dozens of beautiful paintings. Some were still life, some were impressionist, and some were obviously created for the sake of having fun with colours and techniques.
Treasure felt like she could finally see, after nearly a year, the true Frank. The man he had covered over after the negative events in his life.
“Oh.”
She turned around and saw Frank standing in the doorway, a cup and saucer in each hand. She saw the uncertainty in his expression as well as a small spark of hope.
She stepped over to him and just barely brushed her lips against his.
I had a hard time with Twist because there was so much more I wanted to say. Compacting it to 100 words left it a bit bare. However, given I was going to do the two-for-one post anyway, I did a little maneuvering I wouldn’t have done had it been on its own.
I’m also not very happy with yearning either. I’m not sure if it came across well at all, given they may have been talking nearly a year in the fictional world but we’re still getting to know them.
Hm.
September 18th, 2008 at 10:22 am
They work. They definitely work. It’s something else parring stuff down to those 100 words, huh? You might notice that I actually seem to get quite a bit into those 100 words. It’s hard work, but it’s rewarding, and it’s such a thrill. Sometimes I literally spend hours on it!
September 18th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Now I need to go back and read the full story up to here. Treasure and Frank’s relationship sounds very interesting. I think these two entries work very well together, and each could have stood alone. But I’m glad they didn’t. Now I need to think about something to write myself — maybe I’m yearning for inspriation.
September 19th, 2008 at 3:35 am
Allison - Thank you.
I spend quite a bit of time on these two, trying to get the word count down and make it sound right.
Patsy - They’re a strange couple, but I like them as characters. I wish I could do them more justice and give them a full book, but I reckon they rather like living through the 100 Words.
September 19th, 2008 at 7:43 pm
Oh, all these self-criticisms are what revision is for! Don’t be so hard on yourself, JM. As these stand, they are strong and intriguing, and leave me wanting more.
September 21st, 2008 at 12:48 pm
There’s a complete story somewhere in here, full of complex backgrounds and plot! I can…smell it? O_o
September 23rd, 2008 at 7:41 pm
Susan - Well, at least I’m consistent; when I get cranky, I get cranky with everyone - including me.
thenightblog - Thank you for stopping by. As long as it’s a good smell…